Phone Booths and Friendships

I recently listened to a podcast about a man from Japan who keeps a phone booth in his back yard.  It doesn’t work, it hasn’t worked for years, and yet thousands of people who lost loved ones in the 2011 tsunami and earthquake use it all year round.

They use the phone booth to talk to dead loved ones.

Sounds crazy, right?  I thought so too.  Until I started listening to the conversations that were recorded from inside the booth.  My heart swelled for these souls as they cried out in anguish, longing for their spouse, child, or sibling to hear them and respond in some way.  Each person who used the booth had in common a tremendous loss in their life and a need for a response from their loved one,  but I noticed something else the phone booth users had in common:

They were deeply lonely.

After listening to these one-way conversations, I began reflecting on the importance of relationships in my life.  I’ve had dear friends who have seen me through difficult days and also very joyous occasions,  but the more pointed question I’ve been wrestling with is, am I a faithful friend?  

Closer Than a Brother

Proverbs 18:24 says, “A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.”   This kind of steadfast loyalty is rare to come by and very precious when it’s found. So, what does it look like to have a friend who is closer than a brother?

I’m close with my sisters.  We don’t live near each other, so thank the Lord for cell phones, but after spending time with each of them during the last couple of months, I am reminded of how much we love and care for each other.  And this is sometimes a wonder to me.  Because I was basically a demon-child.

There was the time, for example, when I was walking  with the middle sister on a pier in Florida after dinner one night.  I was maybe eight and she was about six.   I remember looking at my sister in her pink jellies and thinking:  “It would be so fun to push her in the water.”  That exact thought went through my head.  And, so, in she went….jellies and all.

I wasn’t sure why I was the only one who laughed, though I was sympathetic when she lost one of the jellies.  That was truly unfortunate.

And the younger sister didn’t miss out on my shenanigans.  She was scarred as a child when I informed her that kids who are sent to the principles office are electrocuted.  They die.  A painful death.  I even pointed out the locked closet where the electric chair was held.

Duh.

And this resulted in a mild panic attack when my sister’s friend was sent to the principal’s office.  My sis cried in anguish thinking she was loosing her friend forever.  (I fully admit to having some issues because this story still makes me smile when I think about it.  Maybe laugh. Just a little bit.)  

And every Saturday my sisters followed me to the school across the street from our house, and they obeyed for hours as I played teacher and made them play student.  Actually, it was more like dictator and student.  They did worksheets, cleaned the classroom, and ran in circles (that was for P.E. class, of course).  Why in the world did they do this?  Maybe the youngest was scared I would electrocute her if she didn’t follow along with my make-believe.  Who knows?

But even after all of this, they still love me…for the most part.  They would do anything for me and I for them. Especially with the loss of both parents at fairly young ages, we stick together, no matter what, and I’m forever grateful that I can count on them…no matter what.  We all need friendships like this, but we should also be striving to be this kind of friend to another.  Like anything worth while in life, becoming this kind of friend takes some work and a little bit of sacrifice:

Sitting in the trials.  

The proverbs remind us that a “Friend loves at all times” (17:17)  At ALL times.  A friend rejoices with those who rejoice and weeps with those who weep.  I think of those who have walked alone through difficult times. Like the people in the phone booth who are longing to be comforted but met only with silence, those who walk alone through difficulty have not had the benefit of a friend’s grip to keep them from drowning in sorrow.  As Proverbs 18 makes clear, a friend whose companions leave when the going gets tough can lead to devastation.  In our friendships, we need to be willing to sit in the trials with each other and not merely observe from a distance.

When my dad was dying, I remember talking with a family friend who told me that he needed to step back from our family during this process.  It was just too difficult, he explained, since he had lost his own mother not that long before.  Oh, how that hurt.  I certainly understand his emotion; I found myself being drawn back into memories I did not want to relive while recently giving a friend advice about caretakers for ill parents.  It can be very difficult to enter into a friend’s pain, but how precious have been the extended, even tear-stained, hands from friends who have walked the journey before me.  Those are the hands I have been grateful to hold through the years; those are the hands of friends who are closer than a brother.

Sacrifice of Time

I asked my youngest if she wanted to go to the store with me the other day.

“Mommm.  No way.  I’m watching a really good show.”  

I suggested that I was way more entertaining than a show, and after she rolled her eyes, she came and sat next to me on the couch.

“Ok, Mom.  I’ll go….”  

And I was grateful for a moment that she wanted to hang with her super, entertaining mom.

“….if you get me a present at the store.”  

Whatever.

The reality, though, is that I can be as selfish with my time as my nine-year old.  I don’t readily give it, and when I do, I’ll sometimes first consider how time given will benefit me.  

Becoming a friend who is closer than a brother definitely takes sacrifice of time, and, admittedly, it gets harder to do this as we get older, but there are still ample ways throughout the day to grow in our relationships.  Perhaps it’s joining a Bible study and seeing what friendships are deepened through it.   Maybe it’s asking a friend to join you for a daily walk or even inviting them into your home for a meal.  It may mean just asking someone to enter into your mundane for a few hours during the day.

When mom passed away, I had a dear friend who organized a luncheon for our family and friends. It took a lot of time on her part and she didn’t benefit at all since she served instead of eating, and yet that sacrifice of her time strengthened our friendship.  Without having to say it, her sacrifice spoke loud and clear:  “I love you and I care about you and your family.”  

Steadfastness

In 2 Timothy 4, Paul laments over friends who deserted him, but in the same sentence, he rejoices because “…the Lord stood by me and strengthened me...”  There may be a season of loneliness before friendships are developed and strengthened, and often that loneliness comes in times of trials, but these are usually the times in which our communion with Christ is strengthened.  Our ability to be steadfast in our friendships is a mere reflection of Jesus’ love for us.  Though we daily forsake Him, grace abounds.  Though we readily turn our backs on Him, He stands by us.

The more we begin to understand this unwavering love from Jesus, the more we will want to show it to others.  And the more we show it to others, the stronger our friendships become.

My youngest was nervous about a shot she was getting a few weeks ago.  And by nervous I mean she was writhing around on the ground saying things like, “I’m going to die!  and “How could you?” and using words like “wretched” and “mean.”  And she wasn’t referring to the cruelty of humanity.

After telling her to keep it down because I was watching a really good show, she asked me if her older sister was also getting a shot.

“Yes.”  

And with that, she promptly stood up, calmly walked over to the couch, plopped herself down and said, “Oh, OK.  Then it won’t hurt.”  

Maybe I shouldn’t have been so surprised by her response.  Simply knowing that she’d have someone going through the experience with her literally lessened the impending pain for my daughter.

What a beautiful picture of friendship.

Maybe there is someone you know sitting in a phone booth, waiting in silence.  Don’t be afraid to go in, extend a hand, and even sit for a while.  Your hand, feeble as it may be, may be the extension of the grace they need, and your friendship just may be the response they’ve been waiting for.