Words To Live By

I was driving with my youngest several months back and while stopped at an intersection, a large truck pulled up next to us with its radio turned up to full volume and its bass vibrating our car. My daughter gave an audible sigh,so I asked her what was wrong.

“It’s just too bad they’re not Christians.”

After choking on my water, I gently admonished my little Pharisee. We talked at length later that day about the fact that we can’t judge a person’s soul based on the way they look, the clothes they wear…or the volume of their bass. For heaven’s sake. If parenting isn’t sanctifying, I don’t know what is.

But in the same conversation, I pointed out the problem with falling to the other end of the spectrum: just because something is labeled “Christian” doesn’t necessarily mean it has the values that Scripture teaches. I’ve become increasingly aware of how quickly believers lower their theological guard just because something is labeled this way.  Whether we realize it or not, the things we spend most of our time immersed in, almost unwittingly begin to shape our daily lives, so it’s important to make sure those things are understood in relation to Scripture.

As a worship director, I’ve become more sensitive to the words of the songs we sing as a church body knowing that our congregation will learn theology both from the preaching of the Word as well as the songs that are sung. The same thing is true in relation to the books we read. I read a couple of “Christian” books this summer, one by author Rachel Hollis entitled, Girl, Wash Your Face. The main point Hollis makes in this book is that you can become a better version of yourself by rejecting the voices of your critics and choosing, instead, alternative paths that bring happiness. She grounds her counsel in what she sees as one central truth: “…know this one great truth: you are in control of your own life.”

To be sure, there are good and valuable lessons that can be gleaned from Hollis’ book and others works like it such as Shauna Niequist’s, Present over perfect,and Jen Hatmaker’s, Of Mess and Moxie. But as Christians we can’t just settle for interesting applications, we have to look for the Biblical foundation for these applications. Admittedly, as a working mom who is often tired, busy, and not always happy, it’s easy to eat up these books in hopes that if I follow the author’s advice, I too will become a better version of myself.

Here are some concerns with this way of thinking:

The Problems

1. It’s Burden-Increasing

In most of these books, there are ways to “fix” the chaos that naturally intrudes into daily life. There are ways to be more present, there are ways to be happier, and there are ways to stop the self-induced negativity. But what happens if all the suggested changes are made and we still find ourselves lacking in the happiness and contentment we sought? What then?

If I buy into the belief that I alone am in control of my life, and I fail to keep my life under control, it’s all on me. If I implement every suggestion to make myself feel happier, and I’m still not happy, it’s all on me. And if, on the other hand, my newfound strategies improve life, it’s tempting to think that it’s because of me! In looking closely at Scripture, it’s clear that this is just not true. In 1 Corinthians 3:6, for example, Paul says, “I planted, Apollos watered, but God gave the growth.” God alone gives the growth. This doesn’t negate our responsibility, but the reminder should cause us to steer away from praising our self-prescribed strategies when life is good, or from feeling frustrated when our formulas don’t produce results. If we begin to think this way, we are actually thinking contrary to what scripture teaches about God’s Sovereignty and grace.

     2. It’s Ego-Centric 

In reading these Christian authors, I certainly felt more “normal” in my self-admitted awkwardness and less alone in the mayhem that seems to follow me around, and to some extent the point of these authors is to have us embrace the craziness of it all. The problem is that the Christian’s life isn’t primarily about the Christian. It’s about Jesus.

And yet, authors like Hollis consistently reason from the self outward. She says, “It’s not about the goal or the dream you have. It’s about who you become on your way to that goal…You, and only you, are ultimately responsible for who you become and how happy you are.”

This is just one example of the ego-centric theme that runs throughout this particular book. As believers, we have to be continually looking past the mirror of self. The Westminster Shorter Catechism reminds followers of Christ that the ultimate purpose in life is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever. Our purpose– our chief end – is not about us or the person we are trying to become. The path we’re on – the work we’re called to, the parenting we do, and the service we give – is about the One who gives us every ability to work, to parent, or to pursue our dreams. Happiness cannot ultimately be found within because, guess what? You will let YOU down. Happiness and contentedness come from Jesus alone.

3. It Misses the Heart of the Matter

Some of these books use vague language and often fail to explain how the thoughts and convictions are rooted in Scripture. Niequist’s book, for example, begs the question: Could an average woman keep up her idea of a quiet life? At the heart of the matter, living a less hectic life doesn’t merely have to do with saying “no” or getting away as much as possible, but in finding spiritual rest before God; there is little effort to answer what spiritual rest looks like.

 And in attempts to explain how to be a better person, most of these authors stop short of getting to the real heart of the matter. We have to better understand what’s at the heart of our anxiety-ridden lives, our grumpy attitudes, and our misconceptions of who we are meant to be. When we do this, we might find there remain parts of our lives that are still not being shaped by Biblical truths.

Christian women can pursue being a better person with all of these seemingly attainable ideas, but if our identity is not grounded in Christ alone, then we’ve missed the heart of the matter. The best version of any believer, after all, is the secure and unfaltering status as a child of God.

Alternative Solutions

In her article, “America’s Exhausted Women” (thegospelcoalition.org), Tilley Dillehay asks some significant questions in light of the popularity of these kinds of books amongst Christian women:

“This book and others like it strike a chord, and the church as a whole needs to ask itself honest questions about what women are finding so needful about them. Why are they feeling so unable to stop, and so inadequate for the imaginary tasks they’ve set for themselves? Are books like these actually helping? What can we be doing better to present a God who provides women the motive they need to continually give up all other striving in the pursuit of his worth?”

Along with attempting to better understand why women today are feeling inadequate and so turn to books such as these, here are two possible solutions the church can work toward in order to help women who are desperately seeking answers to their exhausted or unhappy lives:

1. Accessible and Scripture-Based Bible Studies

Hollis quotes Hebrews 13:4 and says, “I’m sure I’m not reading this right. I’m sure someone who studied theology will tell me that this actually means something different. But what I read, or what I take away [my emphasis]when I read that line is….”

 Our churches need to be providing Bible studies that teach women how to dig into the Word and understand it to the best of their ability. The study of Scripture is not about what we want to read or what we want to take away, but the better we understand it, the more we understand the God we serve and the ways He equips us to face the challenges in life. And the study should be done in an accessible setting. As women study the Word together, it should be in an environment where questions are welcomed (because no one has all the answers), and where leaders have the freedom to say, “I don’t know, but let me do some more study.”

 But not only should our Bible studies be teaching women how to study the Scriptures, they need to be teaching women how to apply it to their everyday life. It’s easy to answer Bible study questions with “Christian-ese” language, but are we unpacking these answers as best as we can by asking follow-up questions such as, “What does that truth mean for us as believers, as mothers, as wives?” Women should be encouraging one another in a way that the learned truths from Scripture connect to the struggles and joys that are a part of being workers, parents, friends, wives and daughters of Christ.  Women today are involved in more than they ever have been. While there are many good things about this, it also opens up new challenges. We have to go to the Scripture to assess the solutions. The ancient wisdom of the Bible transcends the momentary quick fixes offered in some of these books.

2. Mentoring

Women who have been believers and who have studied the Scripture for many years: you have invaluable insight that needs to be shared! There is little more precious than an older woman in the faith coming alongside a younger woman with the purpose of mentoring, counseling and encouraging. I’ve talked with many young women who are longing for this kind of relationship, and others who have just never considered it before, but would gladly welcome it.

Somehow, many young women have bought into the idea that the pursuit of happiness and self-assuredness is an ultimate goal. Many older women who have raised children, had careers, and lived through the mundane of life can attest to the fact that if this is what we are regularly pursuing, we will keep running indefinitely. We need women in the church, both young and older, who are willing to be vulnerable enough to share the stories – not solutions – of lives that haven’t necessarily been easy or glamorous, but that give testimony to God’s unending faithfulness.

If you are His child, God has already done a great work in you, and by His grace alone, that work continues as He grows you into the person you are meant to be. Cling to Jesus along the way and immerse yourself in His Word; they are words you can confidently live by.