Hamsters and Heaven

My two youngest were stir crazy during Christmas break, so they asked to go to the pet store. “Sure. But we’re not getting anything,” was what I said. It’s always what I say when we approach the doors of the pet store. “Nothing this time. OK? No more pets. Got it?” That’s what I say. But inevitably, we leave with at least one living creature. I can’t help it. I’m a total softy when it comes to animals, and I love them all. I imagine myself like this:

My husband, on the other hand, sees it like this:

And while I don’t like to admit it, multiple animals in our house looks a lot more like my husband’s picture. There’s no doubt that I’ve contributed to the chaos with the various pets I’ve brought home through the years, and it was no surprise that after our “quick trip” to the pet store, we walked out with two hamsters. Two hamsters, two cages, two bags of food, bedding, multiple toys (because rodents need toys, of course), two wheels and two food bowls.

We’re not getting anything, was what I said.

Within three days, the first hamster became sick and died. The next day, the second hamster endured the same fate. With the emotion that ensued, you would have thought my youngest had known these hamsters her whole life. You would have never known that mere hours before, she moved the hamster out of her room because it was “annoying.” Post rodent death, we endured various statements from my youngest such as: I don’t know if I will ever be happy again, and various questions like: why did God strike down these hamsters? Of all hamsters, why these?

As the day progressed, I couldn’t help but notice the many ways I was trying to suppress her sadness. This was partially for my own sanity, but it was also because I didn’t want her to feel the weight of any kind of suffering– including something as trivial as the death of a small hamster.

It wasn’t long ago that I engaged in a conversation with a few moms about the difficulty of helping our kids navigate through the tumultuous sea of suffering and death. It’s hard to know how to manage these daunting waves when we ourselves struggle to understand how to handle grief. But the reality is that our kids will be touched by suffering and death even in their young ages, so it’s important as parents that we consider how we’re going to help lead our kids through this difficult territory.

Recognize the Different Ways People Grieve. 

When our dog died last year, we had just a taste for the ways in which each individual child deals with grief. One child wanted to be removed from it all and hid out in the bedroom for the evening. My other kid wanted to know every detail of what happened, how it happened, and even needed to go with my husband to put the dog down. The third kid could not grieve without verbally processing all the emotions that were cooped up inside.

I identified with one child’s processing more than the others; as a result, my tendency was to become frustrated with the two kids who didn’t deal with grief in the same way I do. The bottom line is that no one person walks through the valley of the shadow of death in the same way, but in every occasion, it is the same Jesus who leads us through. Our responsibility is to trust our Shepherd as He leads, and trust that he is tenderly guiding each sheep, even if the path doesn’t look just like ours.

When a child grieves, it’s important to meet them where they are in the journey. If you tend to be more verbal, for example, but have a child who internalizes, allow them a little more space than might be natural for you. God has made each of us unique, no one personality better than the other, and the beauty of this is that we can learn from one another rather than become impatient with our differences, even in dealing with suffering and death.

Review What the Bible Says About Death and Heaven

I’m grateful for how much my dad discussed what the Bible had to say about death and heaven while I was growing up. That may sound funny or seem a bit odd, but as an adult I’ve thought many times about how much his openness on these subjects has helped me through loss in life.

Death is not a subject we want to dwell on, but the reality is that until Jesus returns, it is the one thing that we have in common with every living being that walks the face of the earth. First and foremost, it’s important that our children understand that death is not the way it’s supposed to be. It’s not natural. It’s the gut-wrenching result of a broken and sinful world. Because of this, it’s important our kids know that while death is a reality, it’s not something we ever need to be “OK” with.

And we shouldn’t talk to our kids about death apart from the glory that awaits those who believe in Jesus. I remember how normal it was as a child to sit around the dinner table and talk about heaven. When asked one time about our dreams of what the new heavens and new earth will be like, one of my sisters declared her high hopes that she might have her very own Snoopy Snow Cone machine. 

Who’s to say whether or not this sister is still secretly holding out for snow cones in glory, but what I appreciate is that my dad didn’t squelch our little dreams of what the earth will be like when all is redeemed. Instead, he dreamed right along with us, always reminding us that the greatest gift we will receive is seeing Jesus face to face. This regular reminder is the exact reason that when dad took his last breath, the first thing my mom whispered was, “Do you see Him?”

Reflect on Your Own Example.

“But we do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about those who are asleep, that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope” (1 Thessalonians 4:13). As believers, our grieving should not look like the rest of the world because we have hope.

This reality changes everything! Most importantly, it should remind us that our grief should not be void of the hope that we have in Jesus. We live every day knowing, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that when a believer closes their eyes in this life, they awaken to the face of Jesus. There is so much joy in this truth.

But holding securely to this hope does not mean our grieving should be emptied of emotion. Death will always be difficult, so there’s no need to be stoic for our kids or brush the waves of doubt under the rug; instead, we need to model for our children what it looks like to depend on God and hold fast to his truths even when we are deeply sad.

The night the first hamster died, I was watching a home video from one of my childhood Christmases. My youngest sat with me and watched the smiling faces of my parents, grandparent, and great aunt and uncle who are now with Jesus. My dad’s video camera even caught a glimpse of the several pets in my childhood home (I come by it innocently, my friends). Sensing the depth of emotion the video was invoking, my daughter looked up at me and said, “Are you going to cry, mom? It’s OK if you cry. Just remember that we have Jesus.” Amen and Amen. Until the day the Lord makes all things new, may we hold fast to the hope we have in Him, and may we seek, by God’s grace alone, to teach our children to do the same.