During these strange days I feel as though I’m walking through my house with an imaginary bucket attached to my wrist, grabbing whatever looks like it might bring an hour or even a moment of fulfillment, and I throw it in. Each day is a desperate attempt to fill these bucket to overflowing.
Some days my bucket is consumed with random periods of time, hoping the accumulation will amount to an emotional change: an opportunity to catch a few moments of quiet while sitting in the sunshine, a happy hour glass of wine after a long day of working online, or a Netflix movie that I’ve been looking forward to watching. Other days I am scrounging to fill it by making my kids happy, so I do things like spend an inordinate amount of time coming up with ways to celebrate my senior. I also attempt to fill the bucket with all the activities that I believe make will me feel “satisfied.” So, I fill it with moments (that’s about all I’ve got right now) of productivity, or school assignments done with my child without losing my patience.
And then there are the unexpected moments of smiles and laughter that I make sure to throw in. The other day, my daughter sat on a stool while on a Zoom call with her teacher. She suddenly fell off the stool backward and sat on the floor stunned while her teacher called out: “Lily Polski? Lily Polski?” Lily and I laughed so uncontrollably that she couldn’t finish the zoom call. I stopped in my tracks to scoop up and dump into my bucket that glorious moment of happiness.
But here’s the problem. At the end of each day, while I have gathered these moments of contentment, my bucket is never full. Is it bottomless? Perhaps I need to look for a new, better bucket. I even find that on some mornings, this bucket of contentment is mysteriously emptied; I don’t even remember what was in it from the day before, so I start anew looking for things, moments, words of encouragement…anything….to fill my bucket.
Last week, while attempting to fill it with productivity in the midst of writer’s block, I meditated on 2 Corinthians 12:9. I studied it, wrote about it, and then came back to it again: “But he[Jesus] said to me [Paul}, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.”
His Grace Is Sufficient
Grace is God Himself showing us all of His favor and His mercy, even when we don’t deserve it. His grace is sufficient for every day; his grace is enough, it’s plenty, it’s abundant, it’s satisfactory. His grace not only fills the bucket I carry around, it engulfs it. Nothing I seek after to find ease, comfort, or happiness in these days of trial will ultimate satisfy, but God’s grace will.
The problem is not my bucket, it’s what I’m filling it with in order to find lasting contentedness. Much of what I dump in brings temporary fulfillment, but it’s not lasting, and even the richest, most sought after earthly blessing cannot reach the deepest longings of my heart. I know I am clinging too tightly to my bucket of man-made happiness when I cannot find joy due to my failures and insecurities. There is nothing within me that is sufficient enough to carry me from one day to the next, but God’s grace is.
Learning to lean into this grace is a life-long process, and it’s often through trials that we come to see just how precious his all-sufficient grace really is. It’s because of this grace that we don’t have to live to the standard of perfect parent or the most efficient employee. It’s because of this grace that we have hope, even in the midst of financial instability and health scares. And it’s because of this grace that we know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that God will give us all that is needed for the day ahead. His grace is enough.
His Power Is Made Perfect in Our Weakness
The ESV study Bible says of this verse, “If weakness is something in which we can boast, nothing can ultimately overwhelm us.” I cannot boast in my bucket of happiness, my friends. It hasn’t sustained me. But this is exactly Paul’s point! My husband talks about the many paradigm shifts in Christianity and boasting in our weakness is certainly one of them. We live in a society that boasts in success, in financial security, and in families that appear to have it “all together.” But Jesus shifts the spotlight away from these pictures and shines them on the humble believer at the foot of the cross. It is when we admit our weakness and inability that His great and mighty power is seen. And that power will fill our buckets of need to overflowing.
What’s in your bucket? Is it bottomless as well? When I look down and see an empty bucket that I have tried so hard to fill, the temptation is to feel disappointed or frustrated because of my inabilities. But the emptiness is an opportunity for God to reveal His power, His beauty, and His all-sufficient grace when I am tired, sad, or longing. His grace is enough, and His power is felt all the more when I am weak and enter the day emptied handed, ready to be filled with Him.
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Katie, As always I’m drawn closer to Christ through your writing heart.
Today was my last Bible study on Hosea. This fall we studied 2Cor. & in the winter-spring we studied Hosea. Your writing, I read out loud to summarize the years main teaching. It was spot on. From Hosea one must ask -is God enough? What would make me happy, secure, content? How can God “heal their apostasy; love them freely & have his anger turned from them.”? From 2Cor the major theme was our weakness & Christ’s sufficiency-the cross.
My ladies responded with positive comments-Christ is enough, sufficient. He’s strong in my weakness. My weakness is His drawing me to Him. May I rest in Him. He is all I need.
I have forwarded your article to all my ladies. Thank you 💕,Mp
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Amen! Praise God. Thank you so much, Mary Pat
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Often God’s grace comes when you least expect it — in someone else’s words that give you another angle of perspective. Katie, that’s what your words and thoughts did for me today! I’m a list maker, and often I tie my happiness to how much I can accomplish of MY plans for the day.
This translates into how many of the items on my list I can cross off (or how many tasks I can use my waking moments each day to complete). However, for the last 10 days, God has pulled the rug out from under me. He has had other plans . . . HIS! His strength is definitely being made perfect in my weakness! I can’t even find my paper to make a list, and, if I were to make a list, I wouldn’t even probably be able to reach it or have the mobility to get up off the couch to do anything. With a broken bone in my knee that could chip off and float inside my knee joint and then require surgery, God has me right where He wants me. It is not comfortable to sit at the piano and play and I can’t access my only computer from which I can print (to work on Tom’s and my life histories I’m writing) because it’s downstairs.🙄 All my scrapbooking, sewing, and organization projects are also downstairs! I have had a blast trying new recipes, cooking and baking for the past 5 weeks and have some more new recipes lined up to try, but Tom won’t let me in the kitchen. I am beyond frustrated in many ways and this could be the scenario for as much as 8 to 10 more weeks! I repeat
. . my heavenly Father has me right where He wants me — in “time out”! Now, thanks to you, I am looking at it in a new way. I now have the time to do more of the things God wants me to do which I may not have taken the time for before. He is giving me the permission, guidance, and grace to trust Him more and to follow the plans He has for me. I have enjoyed digging deeper into His Word and listening to some sermons by some wonderful godly teachers which I never sought out before. I am getting more sleep because I don’t have to get up for things I have scheduled or projects I am driven to complete. I am taking the time to call and reach out to isolated neighbors and lonely friends in retirement and nursing homes and to send cards and letters of encouragement to many people who the Lord has laid on my heart. I can’t believe how fast some days go! God has placed me in a situation where I can experience what others are going through for different reasons and He’s giving me even more empathy for His people and so much more gratefulness in the realization that He protected me from SO much more unimaginable harm! That is pure grace lavished on me by a truly loving Father! And on top of that, of all the days in a year, my accident happened the night before the day that is the pinnacle of our faith — Christ’s resurrection from the dead, which gives us the blessed hope of life with Him forever! I felt like, in His grace, He was and is telling me that in my weakness, He is going to show me new hope, new strength, and new insight into His character and His goodness that only He can give when I follow His command to “Be still and know that I am God”. He is more than filling my bucket with His grace because He has me in a place where He’s not letting me fill it myself. Praise be to Him!
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Thank you so much for sharing this, Janice. What a beautiful reminder of how God is strong in our weakness. God bless you in the midst of all of this!