I don’t like roller coasters. I never have. I want to, especially when I hear my kids describe the fun rush of the rides. They always make it sound so exciting, but the reality is, what is one man’s adventure is another man’s path to puking.
But a few summers back, I went with my girls to six flags determined to ride all the roller coasters with my kids. Spending significant time motivating myself while waiting in line for the first ride, I could tell my daughters were starting to worry. “Mom, are you gonna be OK?”
I don’t know if it was the pervasive sweating or the nervous mumbling that clued them in, but I told them I’d be totally fine, and then I said out loud what was my personal, calming mantra: it’ll be over quick.
It didn’t feel quick. My stomach churned with every twist and turn, and while I felt the need to hold my head in place, my grip on the bars was so tight that I just relented to my body experiencing inexhaustible turbulence. Why in the world do people do this for fun?
I remember slowing down at one point, more than glad that the so called “adventure” had come to an end, but then we began the steady incline. Again. It was ridiculous, and as we freely fell into the downward spiral that I was sure would be the end of me, I blurted out, “Why isn’t this over yet?!!”
And this is exactly where I’ve been emotionally during the last three months of this never-ending pandemic. Just when we thought we were slowing down, nearing the end, we began the steady incline…again…and it’s been enough to make me literally scream out, “Why isn’t this over yet?”
Like many, I feel weary. Weary of the COVID conversation arising at every social gathering, weary of the debates, weary of the sickness, and burdened beyond understanding by ongoing news of acquaintances and friends who’ve lost their battle to the disease.
I listened to a nurse describe her experience in the ER last month, and I felt weary for her. I wanted so badly to take what seemed like a boulder of weight on her shoulders and help carry the burden. Hang in there, was my response as we departed ways, and then I chided myself for the trite response. But what else is there to say or to do when everyone is desperate for this roller coaster to come to an end?
Trust Wholly
While working on another project the last few days, I spent significant time in Proverbs 3:5,6. Maybe because of the deeper study, or perhaps because of my current state of frustration and impatience, these words that I learned as a child took on a whole new significance:
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.
I heard the exhortation louder than ever before: Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don’t try to figure out everything on your own. Listen to God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; he’s the one who will keep you on track (The Message).
Solomon wrote these words surrendering to the God whom He believed was worthy of his full confidence, and to “trust” is not merely tolerating God’s plan, but the word literally means, “to lie helpless or face down.” It’s a picture of utter humility before God, the One who knows the way, and who has penned the story since the beginning of time.
Rather than simply listening to predictions and calculations in the last several months, I’ve put my whole trust in human solutions to the recent events. Whether it be vaccines, blogs, doctors, or other medical personnel, none of these have been 100% fail-proof and without error, leaving me with continued questions and frustrations.
But the appeal in Proverbs is to trust God with our whole heart, not human ideas or predictions. Sure, listen to trusted counsel, but trust in God alone. Relent fully and completely, face down, to His will, His timing, and His path, and in doing so we can be free from the sense of despair in what may seem like an impending “downward spiral.”
Leaning heavily into the way I believe things ought to be is simply foolish. I don’t have the full reality of God’s perfect plan. And He desires that we live free of anxieties, and so God says, trust ME.
Trust me, ministry leaders who are standing on the front lines of reconciliation between disgruntled members; trust me teachers who are at the end of their rope teaching in masks and rallying reactive students; trust me when your wedding plans, family trips, or other significant events are altered and disrupted. None of it is outside of the Sovereign will of God who loves beyond understanding.
Each roll, bend, twist, and turn are purposeful to the time and place God has you right now. And He has planned it that way, not for your harm, and not to frustrate you, but for His glory and for our absolute good.
Heavenly Father,
May we live in total trust of you because of the great love you have shown us. Give us the strength to trust you with all of us – with our fears, pains, longings, and expectations. And may we humbly submit to what you have given us in today, no matter how trying it may be, and when we’re tempted to be argumentative or to give into despair, make our paths straight. We pray this in your absolute and trustworthy name.
Amen.
