Be My Friend?

Best Friend necklaces were popular in the 90’s. Remember those? A heart was split in two, and one person had the side that said “BEST” while the other person had the “FRIEND” side. 

I gave out my first Best Friend necklace in 4th grade. The recipient’s name was Elizabeth, and she became my best friend because on the playground one day, she gave me a candy necklace. 

Sweets have always spoken to my heart. 

I went home that afternoon, told my mom that I had a new best friend, and asked if we could buy my new bestie the necklace that would publicly declare our friendship. 

By the time we got around to purchasing the Best Friends necklace, I had a new best friend. Her name was Julie. 

Julie gave me a chocolate bunny. 

Thankfully, my reasons for developing friendships have matured through the years (though a gift of gummy bears can still produce a big hug), and some of the most profound learning in my adult life has occurred through conversations with these friends. 

What’s been especially beautiful is what I’ve learned from friends who are not my age or in the same life stage. There is something significant about diversity in our friendships, and this is evident throughout the Scriptures. It’s worth an in-depth study on any one of these examples of friendships: David and Jonathan (1 Sam. 20), Paul and Timothy (2 Timothy), Elisha and Elijah (2 Kings 2), Ruth and Naomi (Ruth 1), Mark and Paul (Acts 15), or Moses and Aaron (Exodus 4). 

The Value of Friendship

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 speaks powerfully into the benefits of friendships: 

“Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him..”

It’s easy to assume that Solomon is only talking about companionship with a spouse, but his words are applicable to friendship of any kind. There are four benefits to companionship listed here: Friends increase productivity (they have reward for their toil), they help in need (one will lift up a friend), they provide comfort in life (keeping one another “warm”), and they can offer safety and security (two can withstand better than one). 

While all these benefits occur in a singular friendship, it’s interesting to me that friends in certain life stages can uniquely provide within these categories outlined here in Ecclesiastes. In turn, we too can be a blessing in varying friendships, filling someones empty bucket of companionship to a level that is overflowing. 

Friends Who are Younger Increase Productivity 

It’s common knowledge that two people are simply going to be more productive than one, but if you’ve ever tried to accomplish a particular job with someone who is ten plus years younger than you, you know how energizing it can be! And this is the case both physically and emotionally. 

Do you have younger friends that you’re pouring into? The younger generation needs your life experience, but they also have so much to offer. I have one friend who is fifteen years younger, and the times I have walked away challenged by her thoughts and experiences are too many to count. 

And these friendships often begin and are strengthened when working alongside each other – there is reward in toiling together! That shoulder-to-shoulder service can be a profound friendship builder, and very practically speaking, you will often accomplish more because of a younger friend’s abilities.

Friends of Similar Age Help in Times of Need

I have a group of college friends I’ve stayed in close touch with for many years now. These same-age friendships have been a life-support through the years, and when one is in need, this group of friends shows up with immediate advice, prayer, and sometimes their physical presence. 

Friendships with those in a similar stage of life can uniquely empathize with the reasons we tend to “fall,” and the translation of the phrase, “lift up his fellow” suggests a kind of unity that happens when two people rise up together after a fall. I love this image. Friends your age are likely entrenched in the same challenges you are. Whether it be extreme tiredness from an infant, a unique difficulty in the workplace, or the bitter-sweet emotions from moving into retirement, friends in your stage of life are especially suited to extend a helping hand.

Friends Who are Older Provide Comfort

The lying down and keeping warm is an illustration suggesting the reality that if you are in need of comfort, you need another person by your side. One of my closest friends is almost ten years older, and I lean on her in many of life’s big transitions. When getting ready to send my oldest to college, she called weeks prior letting me know she’d be ready to talk after the drop off. I didn’t fully know why I’d need her, but she knew. And I understood the importance of that shoulder to lean on after waving good-bye to my daughter.

Do you have a friendship with someone who is older than you? The benefits from their life experiences are invaluable, and you can reciprocate the comfort through prayer and an eagerness to stir up one another “to love and good works” (Heb. 10:24) as you share life experiences, worship together, and encourage each other with scriptural truths.

Friends Who are a Generation Older Offer Safety and Security 

My mother and father both passed away by the time I was 35, so I’ve relied heavily on those in the generation above me to fill the role of spiritual mother and father. Many have stepped into this role beautifully, pointing me to my Savior and challenging me in ways that only a parent or spiritual parent can do. 

During one very painful season, I felt spiritual oppression in real and unmatched ways. A dear 90 year old saint came alongside me, praying regularly and offering advice often. She knew two could withstand better than one, and she sent me this email (which I still have saved in my Bible):

Dear Katie,

…. thinking and praying for you….

When a diamond is found, the jeweler cuts, cuts and cuts again and again. When The Lord
finds a saint whom he loves much, He may spare other trials, but not this one; you are His beloved. You are His beloved! He loves you so much. Rejoice in this. 

Love you. 

I wept over this needed reminder, and holding out my hands toward heaven, I closed my eyes and relished in how acutely I felt God’s love through the pain. There is no substitute for the wisdom of a friend a generation older, and I hope and pray that I will be this person to someone younger in the years to come. 

Sisterhood in all ages and stages of life strengthens us. These friendships build up our marriages, our churches, our families, and most importantly, our relationship with Jesus. Embrace the benefits of each unique friendship, and ask the Lord to show you how you can be a better friend to the many differing sisters Jesus has placed in your life.