I have a group of college friends who have remained close for nearly twenty-five years. We text daily and meet yearly. We have shared deep struggles, great joys, and profound sadness through the seasons of life. I am regularly grateful for these sisters.
Recently, while meeting with women from our church, one of them asked why I think my college friend group has stayed close for so long. I shrugged and said it’s simply a gift from God, one that can be rare in our screen-centered and individualistic culture. But the question stayed with me. What makes a friendship last? What allows it to grow deeper than simple affection?
I do believe that steadfast friendship is a gift from Jesus, but as I reflected on this question and thought about other friendships that have endured through the years, I noticed some common threads that have helped them stand the test of time.
Deep Friendship Needs Intentionality
A few months ago, I planted seeds in a pot and tended them carefully for the first week. Then I forgot about them. My attention was drawn back only when I glanced at the pot and saw nothing but dry soil.
In the same way that a planted seed needs consistent care, deep friendship requires intentional time, effort, and communication. Without these things, even good friendships fade or drift apart.
To be clear, this is not always easy. Especially in the child-rearing seasons of life, when schedules are filled to the brim, it can be difficult to make the time needed to be intentional with friends.
But it is worth it.
If you have ever experienced a deep friendship, the kind that feels like a life preserver when you are drowning, you know that investing time is worth it. It’s easy to grow cynical while waiting for others to reach out, assuming our schedules are busier than everyone else’s. But this is not how the Lord treats us. First John 4:19 reminds us, “We love because he firstloved us.”
Make a phone call today. Send a note or a text. Be intentional with your friends and watch the seeds begin to sprout.
Deep Friendship Requires Sacrifice
Steadfast friendship is an act of sacrificial love. John 15:12–14 says,
“My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command.”
Those who love one another are willing to give of themselves. In daily life, this rarely means laying down our physical lives, but it often means giving our emotional energy, our time, and our attention.
Are you a friend who listens as much as you speak? It’s easy to become so focused on our own struggles that we minimize or overlook another’s pain. In a recent text exchange, one of my college friends asked for prayer about something and then apologized, saying her request was small compared to the weightier concerns of others in the group. The responses came quickly, assuring her that we are here for one another in the big, the small, and everything in between. Friendship is not only about one person. There is no sacrifice in that.
Sometimes sacrifice looks like setting aside small personal preferences. The timing of a gathering may not be ideal. The location may not be your first choice. It may take extra effort to coordinate plans or to pick up the phone when you would rather rest. But consider what costs you are willing to bear to keep a friendship thriving. Sacrificial love is a necessary part of lifelong friendship.
Deep Friendship Takes Shared Faith
When shadows fall, the prayers of gospel-centered friends bring strength when my heart grows weak. These are the friends who help me carry my burdens to Jesus. Left to ourselves, the weight of life can feel unbearable. Sharing that weight with a friend who will bring it before the Lord is a precious gift.
This kind of spiritual companionship can only happen with friends who share the same faith in Christ. Of course, we should have unbelieving friends, but friendships rooted in the gospel run deeper because they are anchored in eternal hope.
True and lasting friendship heightens our joy in Jesus. Just as we long to share what is precious or good in life, our joy in Christ grows when we share it with others. At the same time, gospel-centered friendship does not shy away from loving honesty. A true friend will gently expose sin or offer a different perspective, always pointing us back to the truth of Scripture and the grace of Christ.
When the gospel is central in our friendships, our conversations become edifying and our expectations godly.
Jesus alone satisfies our deepest longings. A friend that lasts is one who helps us cling more tightly to Him. True friendship is a reflection of the faithful love of Jesus. When we pursue one another with intentionality, sacrifice, and shared faith, our relationships become living reminders of the precious grace of Jesus.
The Shape of Friendship:
It’s the knowing look and the quick smirk,
The texts back and forth
That hold deep sorrow
Mingling with random belly laughs.
It’s the memes.
It’s the willingness to alter plans
And ask,
“Do you need me?”
It’s the picture sent for fashion advice,
The six-minute voice text
About absolutely nothing…
It’s the hurried, misspelled
Urgent message:
Pray –
I’m drowning.
I don’t know the way.
I can’t survive this.
I can’t live with him.
I don’t know…
Just -pray.
It’s the random morning message:
Thinking about you today.
Praying for you today.
It’s a precious gift from God
That I do not take for granted.
